CD3: Where I bid you goodbye

July 6, 2010 at 9:31 am 12 comments

Blood test officially negative. The “other” blood test backing up the results of the first one.

I’m taking a break for awhile. I’ll probably still be lurking about in the shadows, cheering you on and celebrating your victories. Mourning your losses and failures. I’ll just be a bit quieter. Thanks for the outpouring of LFCA love. I appreciate every one of you.

I’ve put super husband in charge of initiating discussion on what to do next. His grieving process is much slower than mine… I gain a lot of strength from knowing what is coming next, and he takes a lot longer to get around to the idea that we need to do something different. We have enough left from the inheritence for one more IVF, a few rounds of FETs via embryo donation, or for adoption when the tax credit is figured in. It’s hard to know what to do. I’m not prepared to do IVF again since our results the first two times have been so dismal. Not enough in the coffers for donor egg, and there is something about it that weirds me out. Not having children is on the table as an option as well.

I’m on the hunt for some embryo donation / adoption blogs so I can start learning more about navigating this strange new world. If you have any suggestions, especially for a non-religious couple, please leave them in the comments.

Super husband has also (politely) banned the use of birth control… he is really still holding on to the hope of a miracle baby. I’ll let him have this for now but am going to do my best to avoid falling back into the trap of testing and charting and temping and counting days.

So, adios… I hope I will see you all on the other side.


Entry filed under: life, love.

10dp3dt: The end of the road Checking in

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mark  |  July 6, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Sorry this has been such a long journey for you.
    One place you can look for donated embryos is
    They have a free data base you can search and are great to work with.

  • 2. womb for improvement  |  July 6, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    I’ll say see you round rather than goodbye. And I’ll keep you in my reader should you pop back.

  • 3. Adele  |  July 6, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    I’m sorry. Not much more I can say than that. I wish the way had been easier. And I sure hope the way ahead just opens up.

  • 4. Craig R. Sweet, M.D.  |  July 6, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Take a break. Be with “super husband” (I wish my wife would call me that just once) and make decisions at a later date.

    When ready, Google “Embryo Donation” and surf away. “Embryo Adoption” will tend to fall into some of the religious groups, some which do a good job while others are very expensive (buyer beware) with agendas.

    Adoption may be yet another option but bonding to the child for both of you via embryo donation is an advantage over adoption. That stated, adoption will have a reasonable probability for success, perhaps higher than embryo donation.

    No decisions right now. Morn, support each other and come back to all of this when you are good and ready.

    Craig R. Sweet, M.D.

  • 5. Missy  |  July 6, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    I hope the break brings you the peace you need. We’ll be here if you ever need us.

  • 6. Pundelina  |  July 7, 2010 at 9:29 am

    All my love FCL. Take care on your journey into the unknown.


  • 7. Jen  |  July 7, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    I hope taking a break is good for you. I have made the same decision if this cycle doesn’t work out. We will not ever be able to pay for IVF or private adoption so we are looking into foster adoption. I am really looking forward to the process. It’s a harder road than infant adoption but I think it might be more rewarding. If you think about going down that road I would love to hear from you, I haven’t found any other baby lost moms looking into this option. I hope you find the option that brings you the most peace and joy. Take care.

  • 8. LastChanceIVF  |  July 8, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Well, I’m a former IVF-er (five time failure!) who has moved on to international adoption. I’m religious so I’m not sure if that counts me out, but I gag over adoption blogs where people say it is their ‘religious duty’ to adopt. At any rate, I’ll say this: I never thought I would get over failing at ART. But slowly, slowly, slowly I am coming out of the fog. The pain is still there, but it is much less acute. Adoption is no picnic either, but we’re putting one foot in front of the other and hanging tight with each other.

  • 9. Lea  |  July 9, 2010 at 9:51 am

    I’m so sorry. Hoping for a peaceful transition to the next phase of your journey. I will be thinking of you.

  • 10. Jen McLaughlin  |  July 9, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Please check out our blog for more information and other embryo adoption blogs.

    Best of Luck!!!!

    2 Jens

  • 11. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  July 12, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    I am so very sad for you. You must feel bereft right now. I so wish there had been a different outcome. I am sad to see you go, but totally, 100% understand the need to leave the bloggy world for a while (but please do come back someday. I would miss you terribly if you never posted ever again!). I wish I knew more about embryo donation or adoption– I wish I had anything to offer you aside from my condolences/well-wishes/friendship, but for now, I hope that it will suffice for you to know that I am thinking of you, and sending all the healing and peace I can in your direction.

  • 12. Christina  |  September 15, 2010 at 6:32 am

    I’m sorry about all your struggles, but urge you to think long and hard about going through with adoption. I’m an adoptee. Adopted at six days old, I’ve struggled myself with not knowing who I am or what my heritage truly is. Not trying to change your mind..just please also read some adoptees’ blogs as you go on this journey.

    In peace…


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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