Signs I am running out of hope – updated

June 14, 2010 at 8:34 am 5 comments

Today’s ultrasound only showed 5 reasonably sized follicles.  There’s talk of converting to an IUI, but I’m wanting to follow through with IVF. We shall see if they even let me. I should know more when they call me this afternoon. Hey, at least I can stop worrying about overstimulating!

Still, there’s not a ton of hope floating around Casa de Love today. For instance, I have started pondering what kind of birth control I will use if this cycle is a bust. I know that there is really no chance for a miracle baby, but I think I will need birth control for at least a few months so I can break the cycle of charting and hoping.

When I see people with their kids I pay more attention to the ones who seem miserable than the ones who seem blissfully happy.

I’ve started thinking about what to do with the spare bedroom.

I’ve been pondering a move back to the big city we came from. All our friends up there are done with their baby-making. This way we can be spared the inevitable pregnancy announcements from our pile of child-free friends here. Or perhaps a move somewhere that isn’t child friendly, like the carribiean. We’ve talked about opening a sailing charter service.

I looked at airfare to New Zealand yesterday.

I really am trying to stay hopeful. After all, 5 eggs is better than none. There is still hope for a successful retrieval and a rockstar day 5 blast. I’m sure that there are people out there who got pregnant with a worse response. That is the future I am trying to focus on right now. It currently seems as though retrieval will be Thursday or Friday. Come on eggs, grow!

Update – looks like they are trying for more eggs – I’m to stim another two to three days with retrieval on Friday or Saturday. I’m really starting to feel uncomfortable so this is mixed news, but I’m trying to focus on the positive!

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Entry filed under: IVF #2 - the cycle of hope and happiness.

Slow progress Quickie

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  June 14, 2010 at 9:07 am

    GROWGROWGROWGROWGROW!!!

    I think the planning-for-a-non-baby-future is part of self-preservation. I did it throughout my IVF cycle, going so far as to plan arguments with the jerky doctor at my clinic about protocols and the ethics of shared-risk plans and all the things I could have done with my life instead of wasting it dicking around with IVF at his clinic.

    I have no need to blow smoke up your ass (and you’d see straight through it anyway), but please know that I am sincerely holding hope for you during this cycle and really wishing for all of the best things to come your way. 5 eggs IS better than none. And yes, among them is probably your rock-star 5 day blast.

    GROW, GROW, GROW!!!

    Reply
  • 2. Heather  |  June 14, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Hi there. I am new blogging but looked up IVF as I just started a blog on acupuncture, including fertility acupuncture which is my specialty. Anyway I just found your post and wanted to tell you there is hope! Of course everyone has different experiences, but I have certainly had patients in my acupuncture clinic who had 5 follicles then most of all of them fertilized and they ended up pregnant. 5 isn’t bad. I know everyone hopes for big numbers but you are certainly not without hope! I will go read some of your older posts to get to know you better. Have you tried acupuncture, it really is shown to help with IVF. Also you can post questions on my site if you like and I’ll answer if I can. I’m wishing you the best, I know it’s such a terribly hard process. But have hope, there is good reason!

    Reply
  • 3. womb for improvement  |  June 14, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    And grow some more.

    I find myself think what I’ll do if I never get pregnant and almost get to the point when I;ve convinced myself it really would be better if I never had kids. And then, then I remember just why we put ourselves through all this shit.

    Keep growing little eggs.

    Reply
  • 4. Adele  |  June 15, 2010 at 8:37 am

    I think people have most definitely gotten pregnant with a far worse response (my SIL, for one…I’ll spare you the detailed anecdote but the short version is that 2 lonely follicles became 2 very energy-filled twin hellions). And the fact that they want to stim you longer sounds like they do think they can get more of a response, though I can imagine you would like to get this show on the road already.

    I am thinking good thoughts for Friday/Saturday (and I also think that thinking about those other things is not bad because it helps to keep one sane, the element that is so absent throughout all of this crap!!)

    Reply
  • 5. t0r  |  June 15, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    I know we haven’t gotten to hang out in a while lately but please know I’m thinking about you a lot.

    Reply

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About

After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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