Remembering to breathe

June 1, 2010 at 11:44 am 3 comments

Today I logged on and saw that one of the searches that brought someone to this site recently was “ivf terrified and can’t carry on.”

Well, that pretty much sums it up.

My last BCP was yesterday and this morning was my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.  The new doc has good bedside manner and everything went well until the blood draw. I don’t know what has happened to me in the last few years, but I’ve been having a lot of pain with my blood draws recently. The pain radiates down my arm after the needle comes out and persists for a few hours afterwords. Yow.

So that set off the spiral of despair… “maybe this is a big mistake…” “what if something goes wrong…”  which turned into “what if I don’t wake up from anesthesia…” and before you knew it I was in tears on my drive home while trying to negotiate a new traffic pattern where a rotary is being put in by my house.

Not pretty. And most likely induced by the hormone crash I am on right now. Bring on the stims I say… I do love the way the estrogen makes me feel like superwoman. The first few days are great until my ovaries start to hurt.

I’m doing an “aggressive microdose flare lupron” protocol. This means I only have 2 days of lupron before starting stims. This means that even though I don’t start injections until Thursday, the hard part should be over in two weeks.  (although we all know that the REAL hard part will just be getting started in two weeks…)

Two weeks. <Deep breath> I can do this.


Entry filed under: IVF #2 - the cycle of hope and happiness.

overwhelmed Underway

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  June 1, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    You CAN do this! I know you can!

    Yes, the benefit of a microdose flare protocol is that you get all the stims and lupron and everything over in a matter of days instead of a month!

    The blood draw thing sounds painful. I never thought that I had issues with pain during blood draws until this past year when I suddenly was having these stupid blood tests all the time, and I had some *really* bad phlebotomists who have no idea how to find a decent vein. Grr. Of course, while I’ve had bad pain during a draw, I’ve never had it afterward. That sucks.

    Anyway, just to reiterate, YOU CAN DO THIS! I KNOW YOU CAN!!!

  • 2. Pundelina  |  June 1, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    You definitely can do this! I’ll be thinking of you!

  • 3. s.e.  |  June 9, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Without a doubt you can do this. Hoping you find it easier than you expect! Go superwoman!


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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