Well that ship has sailed

April 14, 2010 at 4:32 pm 10 comments

It’s all over. Let cycle day 1 commence. Serves me right really for caving in and testing so early.

I just don’t know where to go from here. I can’t take any more of the heartache that comes from failed cycles. I’m thinking about blowing the rest of our treatment money on a hysterectomy and a vacation. I think I can come to terms with the fact that I will never be anyone’s mother, but it kills me to think that super husband will never be anyone’s father.

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Entry filed under: IUI of Love, #s 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5, woe is me.

The fat lady is in the corner warming up her voice And once more from the beginning…

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lea  |  April 14, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    NOOOOOOOO! I’m so sorry. That really sucks. Especially when you have your hopes up like that. I wouldn’t blame you one bit for taking the hysterectomy & a vacation. I was thinking along those same lines not too long ago. Many, many hugs.

    Reply
  • 2. annacyclopedia  |  April 14, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. I’ve been reading and hoping for you and was so wishing for the other outcome. Sending you hugs and all my wishes for peace and comfort, however it comes.

    Reply
  • 3. Adele  |  April 14, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    I’m sorry. That’s so very crap:( I was crossing everything that it would turn out differently and I’m gutted for you that it didn’t. I know what you mean about your husband – it’s something that kills me in all of this, as well.

    Bad, bad day. Fricking CD 1. The ugliest day on the calendar:(

    (Hugs to you).

    Reply
  • 4. Pundelina  |  April 15, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Oh babe I’m so very sorry to read this. It’s just so fucking unfair.

    😦

    ((hugs))

    Reply
  • 5. t0r  |  April 15, 2010 at 9:52 am

    oh I am so so so sorry 😦 huge giant hugs. I was sooo hoping this was finally it, that you’d finally catch a break. You 2 deserve a break. You’re doing all you can & then some. I’m a spectator, not a participant, in this world but I can’t help but wonder when is it time to take another route? But how do you even come to terms with all this?? I just want you both to be happy and live a fulfilled life. I think super husband just wants you to be happy, too, regardless of if you have his child or not. So many ups and downs, so many emotions, so many let downs. so much disappointment. It’s hard to watch you go through this, I cannot imagine being the one going through it. You are such a strong woman. I hope you know that.

    I am so sorry 😦

    Reply
  • 6. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  April 15, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I am so sorry. I’m so devastated that this cycle didn’t work for you. I was really hoping that this would be the one. Heartbroken. It’s just fucking unfair.

    Sending peace vibes your way…

    Reply
  • 7. Missy  |  April 15, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    I’m so sorry

    Reply
  • 8. cowgirltn  |  April 16, 2010 at 10:39 am

    I am sorry

    Reply
  • 9. womb for improvement  |  April 16, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Oh fuck. I understand where you are coming from. I’m sorry.

    And what was biology playing at when it decided to give us PMT at the same time as a negative?

    Reply
  • 10. barrenlazza  |  April 19, 2010 at 2:32 am

    Hi First Comes Love

    I just discovered your blog and am so sorry to hear your last cycle didn’t work out for you.

    It’s so hard to know when to stop trying isn’t it? At some stage there has to come a point where we start living our lives in the moment rather than being in ‘what if’ limbo all the time.

    My FSH was so high (over 100 one month) that my endocrinologist told me there was no point in trying to grow and harvest my own eggs.

    I wish the IVF docs had told me before I tried my one and only IVF cycle as it would have saved me a bruised stomach from injections, horrible mood swings from the drugs, lots of money and a huge truckload of disappointment.

    So my husband and I have decided to go the donor egg route. Have you considered this?

    One book I read called ‘Sweet Grapes’ tells the story of a woman who goes through years of unsuccessful treatment and then decides to jack it in and spend money on her home making it beautiful, and on a vacation. Another book called ‘Silent Sorority’ is also excellent. B

    oth have really helped me come to terms with never being able to have my own biological child and also looking at all the things you are free to do if you decide to live childfree.

    http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Grapes-Being-Infertile-Living/dp/0944934234

    http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Sorority-Barren-Woman-Angry/dp/1439231567/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1271662179&sr=1-1

    Let me know how you get on

    Reply

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About

After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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