ooooommmmm

November 5, 2009 at 9:17 am 4 comments

Nothing like some weekly forced relaxation to make you question everything.

I’ve now been to the in.fertility cure acupuncturist twice, and have appointments scheduled every Wednesday through the rest of the month. Her style is different from my other person, and she is much more expensive, but I am hoping that w/ something as complicated as high FSH and general wonky-ness that you get what you pay for. I have been trying to feel good about trying something new, moving forward, blah blah blah… but last night I hit a bit of a wall and wound up sobbing into my knitting.

The problem at hand:  How do I know that this is the thing to invest hope in? Why should this work when nothing else has? Am I quickly becoming the desperate infertile woman who is willing to attempt (and pay for) anything that offers even a moniker of hope?

All this is compounded by other things… Super Husband’s father called yesterday to ask if I was pregnant yet. In my sexu.ality class yesterday we had a lecture on birth control, and one at a time the little college students told stories of how they got pregnant on birth control, and then the teacher told us she got pregnant while using birth control. My friend IRL who did IVF at the same time as me is pregnant w/ twins. (Seems everyone who did IVF around the same time ast me is pregnant w/ twins – why did the 100% implantation fairy skip my house?) Our friend the man-hoe’s baby mama is due any day now… frankly, I just don’t understand how fertility can come so damn easily for other people. Oh yah, and the Duggers were just in our town. So they are all over every media outlet around here.

I’ve been going at my fertility with as much estudious vigor (maybe more) then I am putting towards school. I am currently eating a special diet to help w/ my TCM fertilty type and high FSH. Acupuncture, herbs, femoral message… fertility awareness, saliva analysis, BBT, OPKs.   The last four all in an attempt to figure out when I am ovulating. And it really does take all four. As super husband likes to say, I am a very complicated flower.

If you have made it this far, I want to let you in on a little secret. We switched to the digital OPKs because I refuse to try to analyze those silly lines ever again. I thought about splurging on a fertility moniter, but figured I would try the smily face digital sticks first. I figured the pocketbook gougers at Clear.blue would surely make refills for those digital OPKs, right?  Wrong. But after a lot of searching, I found several different people on the internets that claim that you can use the fertility moniter sticks in the digital OPKs. So, I bought a pack of 30 and it turns out that they are exactly the same as the sticks that come with the digital OPKs. Take that Clear.blue!

So, that is what is up in my world. Also, I just saw a great movie, “My Neighbor Totoro.”  It’s by the same guy who did “Spirited Away” which I also love. Add them both to your net.flix queue, they are a fantastic distraction.

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Entry filed under: alternative medicine, everyone is pregnant, life, woe is me.

Happy Friday music Post #97

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lea  |  November 5, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    “How do I know that this is the thing to invest hope in?”
    I wonder this same thing all.the.time. It’s so hard to know. In fact, we don’t know. We have NO IDEA. But I know there are many people that have made it out of this IF hell and something had to work for them. So, I just keep trying.

    I hope this is the thing that works for you. It sounds like a lot of work, but it also sounds really good. Especially the acu and massage! Wishing you tons of luck.

    Oh, and thanks for the movie suggestions!

    Reply
  • 2. Missy  |  November 5, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    We never know what will actually work. One thing that’s making me consider accupuncture is just the relaxation benefits. Not that stress is causing IF, but that destressing is good for your own mental health. I think we all reach a point where it seems IF is taking over our life and that is when we need to pull back.

    Reply
  • 3. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  November 6, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Ugh, I HATED OPKs. I was never able to tell whether it was working or not. It sounds like buying the digital was a good move.

    And I still ask myself that question all the time- is this the one, the one in which I place my hopes? Because while I am so incredibly grateful, the fact is that ICSI pregnancies (by nature of what causes someone to use ICSI– likely genetically unsound sperm) are far more tenuous. I wonder what it will feel like when I have to go back and quietly tell the whole world that I’m not pregnant anymore (because despite my intent to keep it quiet, I’ve begun to have some sort of verbal diarrhea, and I cannot stop myself from telling strangers that I’m pregnant. With twins. Even though it is so so so so early, and I have one that very clearly does not look right. It’s so stupid, and I feel so guilty and dumb every time I open my mouth, but for some reason, I can’t stop myself. Stupid.).

    Anyhow, I do wonder about the effect of acupuncture. I’ve heard such very good things from people, and to me, it makes sense, even Western-medicine-wise. I saw a direct effect on my PCOS by quitting work and running (and generally managing my diet and stress levels better). It stands to reason that if your stress hormones are all wacky for whatever reason, they’ll throw off your reproductive hormones, too. So, if people report extreme relaxation after acupuncture (as I often hear), it makes sense that your cortisol levels go down, and your body can function reproductively closer to what it should.

    So I say that if the acupuncture feels right, then stick with it.

    And oh, GOD. I can only imagine the special brand of hell that was sitting in a college classroom full of blush-faced co-eds quietly admitting to their birth control mistakes. Un-fucking-fair. Just bullshit. I’m so sorry you’re having to endure that. And I’m also so sorry for being another person in your world who somehow got lucky when you didn’t. It’s just so not fair.

    As my very fertile friend told me once, “if I could give it to you, I would”. And if the world worked that way, you know I would pass off the preggo luck, send it straight westward. While I can’t do that, at the very least, please know that I’m thinking of you. I’m hesitant to comment more often because I don’t want to cause any more grief in your life, so please, PLEASE let me know if you want me to stop leaving comments here. I really promise that I’d understand.

    Anyhow, here’s hoping that the inferti.lity cure acupuncture is your golden ticket to increased fertility!

    Reply
  • 4. Womb For Improvement  |  November 7, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    I can sympathise with every part of this post. The cash I’ve sunk into acupuncture, the conversations with people who got pregnant whilst on birth control. Good knowledge on the OPKs.

    Reply

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About

After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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