Finding a fresh outlook

September 25, 2009 at 12:22 pm 5 comments

I keep having to remind myself that we didn’t really lose anything here. (Except for most of my grandmother’s inheritence.)

And when we really think about it, we gained quite a bit. This process taught me how strong I am. How I can tolerate things I didn’t think I could. That progesterone in oil isn’t that bad. I learned how much I really want to be pregnant. Before, I wanted to have a baby, but would have bypassed the whole pregnancy part if I could.

Super Husband learned that squemish as he may be, he is awesome at giving me shots. He can have his blood drawn without passing out. He can sit with me and hold my hand when I am in pain on a doctor’s table. Before this experience he never thought that he could be with me in the delivery room when I gave birth, and now he knows that he can. That he wants to be there.

We both learned just how badly that we want this. I never though that we would be those people. Willing to do anything for a child. We learned that the IVF process really isn’t that bad, that it is worth it to have a child. (Which we learned not actually having had a child, which says a lot!)

We learned that what we suspected about my eggs is true.

So, we are trying to move forward in a new light. I’ve been looking for ways to increase my estrogen production naturally. We’re thinking about trying again in December with the rest of the inheritance and a little bit of debt.  That will be the last time.

(Also considering a move to a country that offers IVF as part of a national health plan like the UK. Only mostly joking about that one.  That is more desireable to me then working for Wal.greens for 5 years.)


Entry filed under: IVF #1, life.

Believing in IVF is like believing in unicorns Adventures at the RE

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. annacyclopedia  |  September 25, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    This post is amazing, and so, so moving. It is beautiful that you can see these things right now.

    Still holding you both in my heart.

  • 2. Womb for Improvement  |  September 25, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Shit. Sorry to hear it hasn’t worked. Really sorry.

    And you only get one shot of IVF free here in the UK but have to wait a long time to get it. I’m thinking I should have moved your way as people who have been trying half as long as I have already seem to have had double the treatment!

  • 3. s.e.  |  September 25, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    You have learned more than you know. Your grace is overflowing and you definitely have the strength to make that unicorn come true.

    Pamper yourself.

  • 4. Dirk  |  September 27, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    Attitude is everything, which puts you well ahead.

    I wish you all the best.

  • 5. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  September 28, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    I am so glad that you seem to be in a place of peace regarding this last cycle. And the things you have learned are of such immense value. That’s pretty much what’s holding me together through this cycle I’m in, that at the very least, we will hopefully come out of this with more knowledge than when we started,with a better idea of how to proceed in order to get knocked up.

    I am so glad that you guys will have another chance at this. And I *so* know what you mean about wanting to move to a country that has mandatory IVF coverage. Seriously. I was reading in Conceive’s recent issue about the best companies that cover IVF, and CVS was listed as one of the good ones. And then I thought about working for CVS, and thought maybe not, and then thought how lovely it would be to live in a country where you can pursue IVF in a safe, happy, environment without worrying about how much it’s going to destroy you financially. Sigh. Maybe someday.

    Thinking of you all, and still sending good thoughts westwardly…


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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