As good as it gets?

September 22, 2009 at 8:45 am 7 comments

I’ve got a great life. Right now I am listening to the rain on the roof, while my dog snoozes at my feet. Super-husband insisted that he take me out for ice cream after class because I was feeling blue. Sometimes I ask myself why I really want a baby so badly anyways. It really is because I love my husband so much, and I know that he will be such an amazing father. And I desprately want to see his features in a child that I carry.

I’ve had zero early pregnancy symptoms, except for the sore breasts and cramping that comes as a side effect of the progesterone. In fact, I feel so utterly and completely normal that it has me totally convinced that there is nothing going on down there, that our little cluster of cells has given up and stopped dividing. (BTW – depression is also a progesterone side effect – a particularly cruel one if I may say so.)

So today we stopped at the drug store to pick up some household items, and in the car I mentioned that maybe I should buy a HPT, to take before my beta on Thursday. Just so I could be armed for the disappointing news. He was great – calmly reminded me that a negative HPT would just be torture at this point, and that he would not allow me to put myself through that. We decided that when the time comes on Thursday, the RE is calling him with the news. I don’t want to cry on the phone. Which I will do, either way.

So we walk up to the drug store, me just about as far down in the dumps as I could possibly be. The automatic doors part and we walk inside to be greeted by the opening guitar licks of “Don’t Stop Believing.”  Our timing was impeccable. And I couldn’t help but smile.


Entry filed under: IVF #1.

Staying hopeful Believing in IVF is like believing in unicorns

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dirk  |  September 22, 2009 at 11:12 am

    I assume every woman goes through the torture of trying to figure out the mystery by searching their body for clues. As I’ve tried to convince my wife, “You don’t know anything.” Your body is so drugged and manipulated you can’t rely on any signs, good or bad, so just settle in and try to stop making yourself crazy. My wife bought a pregnancy test as well and I had the same discussion to talk her out of it.

    I hope the torture of the waiting will all pay off for you. Good luck.

  • 2. Jem  |  September 22, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Keep taking deep breaths and just ride the wave! I got my fingers crossed for you!

  • 3. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  September 22, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    Love it. That *is* impeccable timing!

    And I agree with Super-Husband. Let the RE tell you one way or the other. Of course, I’ll let you know whether I am able to stick to that advice myself or not (here’s a hint: Outlook is doubtful!). But yes. Regardless of what your at home test says, what matters is whether you test positive at the RE’s office, right?

    I, too, have the frequent thoughts about how life is pretty okay right now, and I wonder why I’m fussing so much about having a child. But I know that, like you, I want the chance to see my husband as a father, to make something that looks like him (and maybe me), and to become parents together. Of course, mostly, I know that we are already a family, that he and I are enough, that we are very happy together and we will continue to be happy, even if this isn’t successful. And even though all of that is true, it doesn’t change the fact that I want so very, very much to make a baby with him. Sigh.

    I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday (my birthday– I have the shittiest luck ever on that day, so maybe my friends can be the ones to collect my birthday blessings, since I don’t seem to be able to!)…

  • 4. s.e.  |  September 22, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    Take it as a sign and don’t stop believing, Thursday is getting so close.

    And I fully agree with your husband. I have used HPT the morning of and still gotten different answers from the beta. You don’t have to hold out much longer!

  • 5. Pundelina  |  September 23, 2009 at 11:27 am

    wow I’m hoping that the song playing just right then was the universe giving you a sign.


  • 6. MW  |  September 23, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    I felt no symptoms either until about 2 weeks after retreival when I vomited because one of the dogs had rolled in something stinky. At one point I read (but have no idea where) that your body adjusts to changes in hormone levels. This can either happen as the levels change so you never notice symptoms, or it can happen in jumps, causing existing symptoms to disappear and scaring you. So don’t base too much on symptoms.

    Good luck tomorrow!

  • 7. annacyclopedia  |  September 24, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Thinking of you today.


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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