The last CD-1

April 7, 2009 at 10:41 am 6 comments

At least for a while. Because I am officially calling it quits.

All is not well with the lady bits. After two weeks of cramping after the last IUI I officially have both a yeast infection and a urinary tract infection. I wound up at Urgent Care for three hours on Sunday to receive the good news. While they were at it they took a pregnancy test and delivered the unsuprising results. Now I’ve added good old auntie flo to the mix and am ready for a rousing chorus of “I Enjoy Being a Girl.”

So what is the plan for spring?

First I intend to lose the 15 pounds I have put on “eating for possibly two” two weeks out of the month every month for the last 3 years.  I am signing up for summer school and attempting to forget all about TTC until at least the fall whilst saving my pennies.

Come fall I’ll reevaluate things, maybe hubby will have warmed up to the idea of IVF, maybe my parents will have come around when they realize that all this relaxing hasn’t gotten me knocked up. (They still are of the mind that my stressful employment situation is what kept me from being with child for all those years) After all, what good is a comfortable retirement when there are no grandchildren?  (I am an only child, so I am their only hope!)

I’m going to try to not be too bitter, and I plan to avoid my pregnant-by-suprise man whore of a friend whenever possible – though he does like to hang out in my favorite neighborhood bar.

But for the meantime, I am going to take a strong dose of advil and have a good cry. Because this fucking sucks.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Peeking out from under my rock She Exists!

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lea  |  April 7, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Oh, I’m so sorry. It does suck! I hope that you feel better soon and can somewhat enjoy your break. Sending hugs!

  • 2. annacyclopedia  |  April 7, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    I am so, so sorry. Taking a break, especially when it is not by choice, totally fucking sucks. There’s just no two ways about it.

    Wishing you peace in between cries.

  • 3. Io  |  April 8, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Well, at least it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who spent far far too long eating for two half the time…
    Try not to be too bitter, but if you do get a little bit, I will sit and be bitter with you. (hugs)

  • 4. Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)  |  April 9, 2009 at 9:14 am

    I’m so sorry. That just sucks, all around. I feel like I kinda did what you did- making a baby wasn’t working, so I made school my goal. So far it has been very effective at taking my mind off of what I can’t do and focusing it firmly on what I can do. Not that the baby-ache has gone away, but having school has made it easier to bear.

    Except that I’m about to graduate, which means no more school for now. Which means we’re gonna try again this summer, which means more disappointment. I’m feeling very torn right now, and I’m not entirely happy about not being in school anymore or about trying again, because trying leads to failing and failing leads to crying. And I’m sick of crying.

    It certainly won’t make it all better, but we are heading in to running season (er, the season when organizations plan a bunch of running events and where the weather is tolerable for running outdoors, is what I mean). Running can also work as an effective counter-IF-Sadness measure, because it not only helps shed the eat-for-two weight, but also boosts endorphins. Excepting the last couple of days, it’s pretty gorgeous around these parts. What better way to enjoy it than to grab the camera, get outside and jog a little, right? I don’t know. When I get in the habit of it, running always makes me feel better because it reminds me that I CAN accomplish something, even if it’s just as small as lacing up my shoes and getting on the treadmill for ten minutes.

    I know you didn’t ask for assvice on how to help with feeling sad, but when I see a friend feeling rotten, I just want to try to help them feel less rotten. I hope that you are able to feel less rotten soon.

  • 5. womb for improvement  |  April 13, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    That does suck. Sorry.

    And take your time. And take care.

  • 6. Mom to be  |  April 14, 2009 at 8:51 am

    Well rest assured, life sucks pretty hard over the ocean too right now….Me being tired of IUI’s now has to end the ICSI attempt, because my stupid body refuses to cooperate. After shouting out loud anc clear that my 4the IUIwould be the last one (ever) and that finally we were going to start the REAL THING, the doctors where happy to announce that instead of an ISCI(after injecting myself for 10dayes) they will try a rescue-IUI.
    Me and my damn eggs who obviosuly do not care for the hormones I’ve been injecting. :(((
    Have to admit, you’re situation seems so much worse than mine and being on a obligatory break is certainly nerve wracking.
    Hope you find some comfort in the school thing.


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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