I keep hope locked in a metal box in the closet…

September 26, 2008 at 6:16 pm 3 comments

… and it’s trying to get out.

Hope has been a theme lately. I’ve been wanting to hope a lot. And stopping myself just as I start to let it seep in to my subconscious. I’ve been wanting to hope about a lot of things, not just my ability to conceive a child.

I have a lot of hope that in January, things will be better politically. No matter which way you slice it, not matter where your affiliations lie, you have to admit that things have been pretty bad lately. And January will bring new people, new ideas, a little bit of new hope that things will get better for people. That our loved ones will come home from Iraq, that we can get out of debt, that we can find gainful employment, that we can have access to better healthcare. Whomever you vote for, just get out there and do it, ok? For all those little ones who don’t yet have a say.

I’ve been trying to squash down the hope that I am p.r.e.g.n.a.n.t. A word we have been spelling in our house today. Because it is a momentous month. For the first time since we started TTC, I had a luteal phase dip in my BBT. From 98 down to 97.49 and back up to 98. On day 8. And the morning after the dip? Mysterious spotting that disappeared after about an hour. Never before people. Either thing. And now both together? That’s all I am going to say about that. I’m on 10 DPO now but I have no tests in the house and refuse to succomb to the testing fairy until at least Tuesday when I am 15 DPO.

The silly bit of hope is aound rumors that a favorite band of SuperHusband and mine might get back together for a tour in the spring. They broke up around the time we got married. I would relish the chance to feel 19 and newly in love again. Dance with my bare feet in the grass… Maybe with a big ole belly… (dammit hope, get back in your box!)


Entry filed under: life.

Forward Momentum CD1

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. womb for improvement  |  September 27, 2008 at 5:03 am

    I almost want to ignore your fluttering of hope, but I will be back to check in in five days. Fingers crossed.

  • 2. Io  |  September 27, 2008 at 9:35 pm

    Ohhh my. Ok, I hear her pounding to get out. Try to ignore her just a bit more.

  • 3. annacyclopedia  |  September 28, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    I say let her out. Might as well enjoy her company – she might be fickle, but she’s a lot of fun.

    Waiting for an update, with lots of hope.


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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