Putting things back together

September 3, 2008 at 11:19 am 3 comments

I’m still here, dreadfully behind in all things blog land. The last two weeks have been a bit of a blur… hard to imagine it’s only been two weeks as it seems an entire lifetime has passed since hearing the news of friend E’s passing.

The day after we heard the news was my first day back in college. That falls pretty low on the list of dramatic things that had happened recently, but it is worth noting because it certainly compounded the sense that life had been turned upside down. I went through the motions at work on Wednesday, headed off to class, and tried to stay focused. We left to go back to the major city from whence we came (whence… is that a word? Am I using it right?) on Thursday morning and were greeted with evening rush hour traffic on a 16-18 lane highway. Why did we move away again?

Thursday night and Friday were filled with old friends, some still living in the major city and others like us who had moved on. People who hadn’t been planning on making the long trip for the wedding came in for the funeral and to support E’s fiance, L.

It was strange being back… nearly everyone has had children since we left, which just seemed to magnify the empty space in our own family. One friend up there had done IVF to conceive, and last summer I had told her about our troubles. I’m guessing that that news had spread, because there were no awkward questions about when we were going to have children ourselves, and I was grateful for that.

Saturday was supposed to be the day of the wedding and all the friends and family gathered to celebrate the life of E and the love of E and L. There was a potluck party that went nearly all night, and ended when the neighbors called the cops at 3 am. L went back and forth between sobbing and laughing and displayed a lot of strength and courage.

The funeral was on Sunday, and it was hard for everyone involved. SuperHusband spent a lot of it in a daze, the complete wrongness of it all hitting him like a ton of bricks.

Drive home on Monday and straight to school where I struggled to stay awake. Back to work on Tuesday where I discover that my computer died while I was away and I don’t have a new one yet.

Out of town again for the long weekend which brings us to today, wherein I finally have a new computer, and things seem to be returning to normal. I am really looking forward to this weekend!  Things have been so insane that I failed to realize that today was day 29 of my cycle, 15 DPO. How insane if this was the month I got knocked up, since I ovulated the day E passed away. No symptoms though, just a mild cramping that indicates that my period is about to start. I have to pee but have avoided going to the bathroom because I don’t want to see what I already know. Best to just sit back and enjoy this little bit of hope while I still can.


Entry filed under: life.

A wedding or a funeral? Forward Momentum

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. annacyclopedia  |  September 3, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Whew. That sounds like it was a doozy of a two weeks.

    And you still managed to use “whence” perfectly.

    Hope things settle down a bit, and getting back into a routine with school and life will help you and hubby to heal from this loss. I know things like that can just shake you up and make everything feel uncertain for a long while.

  • 2. Io  |  September 3, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    I will second Anna’s whew. I just let out a huge breath I didn’t realize I was holding while I read this. Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.
    I hope things get back to normal soon (unless they are completely non-normal with a pregnancy. Oh, that stinker Hope.)

  • 3. Io  |  September 4, 2008 at 9:42 am

    Ack! I can’t imagine being faced with Republican cutouts in the morning, especially before coffee.
    I am probably driving away my Republican readers, but the RNC has just so infuriated me I can’t help it.


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After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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