Decisions, Decisions…

July 10, 2008 at 3:21 pm 6 comments

Well, I think I am getting closer to making a decision about weather or not we will pursue IF treatments. And it’s not the decision that I imagined that I would make.

I will be doing a medicated IUI in October. Ooooooh, right, so amazing! I am sure all you chicas who have been through IVF hell are really impressed with my big decision. But this has been hard for me. I am normally such a crunchy-granola-hippie-dippie type. I almost never take medications, and have really believed that if I took proper care of my body, this would all work out naturally…. eventually.

But a friend had a baby on July 3. She’s in her late 30s (I am a baby by comparison, in my late 20s) and she got pregnant after trying for less then 4 months. (Got married in July, said they wanted to start trying “soon” and got knocked up in October, could have been the first month for all I know…)

And what did this do to me? Well, initally, back in January when I found out they were expecting, it was upsetting. Now that they have the squirmy babe? I’m not so upset. I feel a new sense of resolve, that I want my own, and… that if this would have worked naturally, it would have happened by now.

As much as I want to believe that it could still happen naturally, this month marks the official two year mark of our TTC.  Twenty-Seven cycles. No double lines.  So, now I am combing the internets for phrases like “cost of medicated IUI cycle” instead of “natural ways to increase fertility.”  I’ll be back in the stirrups in September with a new doctor, and am planning on the IUI in October. It is the ideal time for me to get knocked up, as it will allow me to take minimal time off of school. (Ha ha ha! Did you see me mention it being the ideal time to get knocked up? I am jinxing myself already…)

(sigh) This still is not something I am looking forward to, yet. But hey, maybe I’ll get knocked up our last cycle before treatment, eh?  I hear that happens all the time, just like with adopting, only cheaper.

I’ll leave you with some soothing images from our recent camping trip, the one that messed up our chances of conception this month, yet I am on CD30 with no hint of the lovely Aunt how is that for messed up?

Some things I am greateful for:

Sailboats, stormy skies, and puppy snuggles!

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Entry filed under: everyone is pregnant, life, woe is me.

still here, still not pregnant Sunday Morning

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Io  |  July 10, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Puppy snuggles! I like those too!
    I think the level of medical intrusion that we are willing to deal with is different for everyone. And this is a big step for you – I hope it’s a good one.

    Reply
  • 2. annacyclopedia  |  July 10, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who is really leery of all the invasiveness of the medical treatment, and I’m glad you’re doing what you feel is right for YOU. I hope the magic baby fairy comes to visit you before October, but if not, that you feel only growing peace in your decision.

    And thank you for sharing those lovely photos!

    Reply
  • 3. Trace  |  July 10, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    It took us a long time to get to the ART point, and we didn’t go there originally because of the meds and physical considerations for me. Oh, IUI cost? It is 300 an insemination at my clinic.

    Adorable pics!!

    Reply
  • 4. s.e.  |  July 10, 2008 at 11:38 pm

    Oh the two year mark is such an icky milestone. I am so sorry you made it there. It doesn’t matter how far into treatment you have gone. It all sucks. IUI’s were a big step for me too. Hell, even going into the RE’s office was huge. I understand wanting to go all natural and then realizing your dream is big enough to give that up. You seem excited about your decision and can’t wait for you to post that you are knocked up soon!

    Reply
  • 5. s.e.  |  July 11, 2008 at 11:28 am

    In regards to your comment…Feel free to steal my gratitude journal at the bottom of my posts. Kimbosue already did and I actually stole it from Oprah. Some days it’s hard to think positively but it always helps. Only once did I say “fuck the gratitude” and that was a very bad day.

    Reply
  • 6. kate  |  July 12, 2008 at 9:56 am

    Ah, yes. It is ABSOLUTELY a hard decision, one that (for me, for now) has resulted in postponing it all in favor of a surer thing.

    And I’m grateful for snuggles and pretty water and getting outdoors, too. I’m going to convince H that we need to go to Hanging Rock and go swimming today.

    Reply

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About

After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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