Thud

June 16, 2008 at 11:33 am 7 comments

That’s the sound of the other shoe dropping.

It had been hanging there, suspended for awhile, but I knew it was only a matter of time until it hit the ground.

Despite my soggyness, and my chat with the husband about how he needs to be more sensitive to me regarding our inability to conceive, he still dropped quite a bomb on me this morning. Via email. While I was at work.

His brother and his brother’s wife are knocked up.

I need to be happy for these two… they had started trying when we did, got pregnant right away, and she had an early miscarriage. They stopped trying after that until recently, and now, voila, she’s pregnant again. They announced it to the family on Father’s Day.

And that’s part of why the sting was so harsh. Because I had wanted to tell the husband on father’s day that he was going to be a dad. And instead, I got my period.  This makes the third father’s day that I had fantasized about spilling the news, and the third one where I was let down.

It doesn’t help much that these two are idolized by husband’s family, that this will be the first grandchild, that these two always seem to get whatever they want. They always manage to get it a few steps ahead of us, do it a little better, a little grander. They’re celebrating by buying a million dollar home on an island a few hours away from us. I don’t plan on visiting much.

Husband always joked that the only way our kid would ever stand a change in his family is if we had it first. Looks like that plan is out.

So, as I frantically tried to keep my tears from spilling over my eyelids, I deleted husband’s email and tried surfing some links a friend had sent to change the subject in my brain. (Lookit here, “terrorist fist jab” hahahahahaha) It didn’t work. Eventually I found my way over to Io’s site, saw this, and finally, had a good laugh.

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Entry filed under: everyone is pregnant, woe is me.

coming down still here, still not pregnant

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. annacyclopedia  |  June 16, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    I’m so sorry, sweetie. I am all too familiar with this kind of pain, where you should be happy but just can’t quite muster it. Both my younger sisters have kids now, and I just hope to G*d that the 4th grandchild manages to spring from my own loins instead of one of my sweet sisters’. This feeling sucks so much – for me, because I judged myself pretty harshly for my jealousy and sadness and anger, in addition to just coping with the disappointment.

    I hope you can take it easier on yourself. It’s ok to be upset about this and to not be happy about it. You’ll find a way to the happiness, or maybe not. Either way, your feelings are your feelings, and nobody can take that away from you. Bummer that you had to get the news the way you did, though.

    {hug}

    Reply
  • 2. Trace  |  June 16, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    VMB totally cracked me up. How many times have you wanted to give someone the finger like that?

    Sorry about the SIL. I’ve been in situations like that and all I could do was go home and cry and cry some more while my husbnd patted me on the back and gave me a hug. It pretty much bites (no way to sugar coat it). I sort of fell into a funk when the I heard about the latest family pregnancy and it took me a long time. Try to be kind to yourself. If you don’t think you can go to a family outing with the pregnant SIL you can always have food poisoning, or my personal favorite digestive issues (people never want details if your puking or pooing). My other coping mechanism is to stay far away from the pregnant person and huddlle with the men. Usuallly w/a beer or glass of wine.

    Reply
  • 3. Io  |  June 16, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I know how hard it can be to navigate those weird family dynamics. And lord – my SIL has five children. What I wouldn’t give to have just one. I think my MIL and FIL just don’t even care – we don’t have any kids, so we’re sort of not important.
    ::hugs::
    I’m SO glad you enjoyed the VMB – please join us! We want it to be a space for everyone when they are just feeling so rotten they don’t even want to write the snark on their own blog because the computer might melt.

    Reply
  • 4. Kate  |  June 18, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Ah, shit. What a bunch of crap. I’m so sorry. Family dynamics can really fuck us sometimes. I have one of those bigger-better-sooner people in my life too, but at least they aren’t related to me. I’ve been there, and I think I would have been sobbing if it had been a relative. I’m just so sorry.

    But in other news, another of my friends is moving to your fair city, so I will have yet another reason to be there. We really must get together for coffee sometime. I can promise that I will never ever upstage you. There is no way that I will fall pregnant any time soon, and you have the fabu green home of my dreams, so we can get together and talk about how incredible your life is compared to mine. We can bitch about suffering through school together. We can commiserate about all the lucky fuckers who get pregnant without trying. We can eat fabulous chocolates. And drink good beer. Someday, I will begin to demand it. But for now, I’ll just keep waiting patiently for you to come out from under your anonymity-cloak…

    Ah, I wish you peace as you navigate this family thing. This, too, shall pass.

    Reply
  • 5. Io  |  June 22, 2008 at 7:32 pm

    Oh, I am so not a Janet! I was Magenta.

    Reply
  • 6. Annchen  |  June 25, 2008 at 4:48 am

    Hé,

    Just wanted to tell you I felt the same way when my wee sis announced her pregnancy. I felt happy she did not have to deal with all the waiting and insecurity, but I also felt so sad for myself. And when she asked me to be the Godmother, I really needed a moment to think if I wanted that…

    When labour started last week I wasn’t too interested. But when things became complicated I got worried. Really worried. For my wee sis. For the baby she carried 9 months long. I just really, really, really did not want it to go wrong now. I really wanted her to have a healthy baby…

    So, when the little girl got born, I flew – unexpectedly – straight to them. And all my sadness got over… I felt so relieved she’s a healthy, little thing. And I just feel I’ll be a special one. An auntie as she will have no other. The sweetest godmother…

    I’ll be jealous a hundred other times of people announcing ‘it just happened’. Just like you. And you know what the most awfully thing is? It’s only us who feel bad because of that…

    But it all still gives us the right to feel like that. I think.
    Big kiss! Annchen

    Reply
  • 7. womb for improvement  |  July 5, 2008 at 2:54 am

    An email at work. Ouch. I’ve had that too. Trying to work, words swimming in front of my eyes, don’t blink or the tears will spill over … But better that than in person, when my sis announced she got pregnant i gave her a congratulatory hug that ended in me sobbing/ wailing into her shoulder. Luckily we are very close and she understood that whilst i am happy for her I was crying for myself. It must be so much worse if you don’t feel they deserve it. To look on the bright side think of the hand me downs you’ll get!

    Reply

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About

After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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