How quickly everything changes

March 31, 2008 at 4:19 pm 4 comments

It seems like only two weeks ago that I still had so much faith that we would get knocked up on our own, that time and patience was all we needed. Oh wait, that was two weeks ago. Thursday’s test results have thrown me for a loop… while I feel good that we are moving forward with diagnosis, I can’t help but feel a little overcome by a sense of panic. That things will just become increasingly difficult from here on out. That I’ve gone and opened up a big ole can of worms.

Suddenly I’ve got bills and statements coming from my doctor’s office, the hospital where they sent my bloodwork, our insurance company. I’m already confused. (the bill from the hospital was $78 bucks, said it was all covered by insurance, the bill from the doctor was $22 bucks, then the statement from the insurance company came today saying it was only covering $22… )

Suddenly I need a new catagory for our household budget tracking, a new file for the cabinet, I have another blood draw scheduled, my acupuncturist is changing up my herbs, I’m learning about different treatment options if in fact it is low progesterone that is causing my lack of ovulation and our resulting infertility.

(hubby by the way will not allow me to use the word infertility in the house. I am to refer to it as a fertility issue. No “in”)

Gah.

I plan on distracting myself with the fact that it is spring. Soon my favorite garden sale will take place and the next thing you know it will be June and we will be going to the Chocolate festival and maybe I will be pregnant but I probably won’t be and then I can enjoy a chocolate martini.

Always looking on the bright side.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

results mmmmm… pudding. And a recipe!

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Io  |  March 31, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    There is a CHOCOLATE festival? What? Where? When?!
    And I am totally feeling you today on the stupid billing stuff.

    Reply
  • 2. annacyclopedia  |  March 31, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    Damn cans of worms. Many a time have I wished them to just re-seal themselves.

    The semantics are hard, aren’t they? I still sometimes balk at the word “infertility” cause it sounds so final, so hopeless, and also cause I sort of cling to the fact/hope that it’s all my husband’s fault and therefore I’m not infertile. But mostly these days I roll around in it like my dog rolls around in the tall grass at the dog park – with relish – cause it means I have a place to belong. Weird, but I am glad to be part of this club in a way. Far better than when I was in denial about being in it and had no people.

    Reply
  • 3. annacyclopedia  |  April 4, 2008 at 12:33 am

    just a quick note to say that I less-than-3ed you on my blog. check it out!

    Reply
  • 4. Kate  |  April 4, 2008 at 9:13 am

    Yeah, I know what you mean with things suddenly going into hyperdrive. That seems to have happened in other aspects of my life, but for me, it’s been more like two weeks ago, we were still trying to have a baby NOW, but today, I’m going back to school, possibly law school and am out of the game for the time being. Weird.

    When things like this start to happen (what I think of as the spiralling effect), it helps me to just try to take a deep breath and enjoy the ride. You’ve started the ball rolling, so just breathe and ride along with it.

    That’s my assvice.

    And you, chickadee, MUST let me know when this whole garden sale then choco fest will be. Must, must know!
    As soon as this latest cold snap passes, I will be hardening off my sprouted plants and then putting them into the ground (if I can manage it with the whole major-abdominal-surgery-recovery thing! I’ll figure it out!).

    Reply

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About

After 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, and the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at the ripe old age of 29, I am now looking for information on embryo donation and adoption. I'm taking a break from blogging but will return when our path out of the world of IF becomes more clear.

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